Update

So I’m going to be seeing the city’s gender therapist in October, though I’ve already been referred to an endocrinologist for November. So starting testosterone will be a little while, but not that long!

My social transition is pretty much entirely figured out and I’m starting high school with my middle name changed in the entire system as well as my gender; I’m going to be stealth for at least the first few months if all goes well.

I’m actually just really excited and pleased with everything. I finally found a binder that works perfectly for me (the Underworks tri-top) and it’s great. My parents are still on board and are very supportive and I’m regularly attending a trans youth group which has been a lot of help, I think. One thing I’m glad about is that all of this hasn’t brought around a lot of change in my life in terms of my interactions with people, my school/home life, etc., but I do feel more confident and I feel like I’m finally able to be who I really am and not hide behind a mask anymore. I can’t begin to describe just how liberating the whole experience is.

That’s about it. I’m actually pretty excited about everything.

Small update

I have an appointment in August to figure out some stuff with transitioning and hopefully I can get started on T in about a month. It just depends on how things are going, though. Sounds like I’ll be starting pretty soon though, which is great. I’m actually less freaked out about getting a needle than I was because I’ve been reading so much about how great testosterone sounds and I’m just so excited to start.

As far as non-medical transitioning is going, I’ve gotten another binder that I really like. I like Underworks a lot. I also got an STP device; I don’t really care about packing, to be honest, and going in a stall isn’t really a big deal for me, but it’s going to be weird at high school if I do and I’d probably just feel more comfortable with it anyway. 

I went to a group for transguys a while back too and it was really nice to be able to talk to some other people and share some experiences, so I’ll probably do that again.

My mom just came up to me out of the blue today and told me that if I wanted to start packing that it was A-okay with her and that she’d buy me whatever I needed. She didn’t make a big deal out of it or anything. Not sure if that’s something I’d like to start just yet, but still awesome.

When you start T, what are you looking forward to and what are you not looking forward to?
─ Anonymous

I’m really looking forward to a change in voice, muscle growth, redistribution of body weight to look more masculine… I think that’s about it. I’ve heard that T can also make your chest significantly smaller (though not flat) so that would be pretty cool.

I’m not really looking forward to more hair, to be honest. I don’t like facial hair and body hair is just kind of a pain. I’ll probably be shaving my facial hair a lot. I don’t really care, though. An increase in acne might be a pain too, but I tend to have pretty good facial hygiene so it might not be a huge problem, I dunno. I’m also terrified of getting needles, but that’s not really an effect of T, that’s just me being a wimp haha. Needles suck.

Lol why is Captain America your sidebar picture.
─ Anonymous

Because I hope to BECOME Captain America during my transition.

Just kidding, I just like Captain America.

What binder do you have? Also how do you go swimming?
─ Anonymous

I have two Underworks 988s.

And easy, I have a binding swimsuit from Underworks that looks something like a wetsuit, I guess. I use mens change rooms, just in a change stall instead of out in the open.

I hope everything goes well!! Best wishes. Have you read any books on transitioning?
─ Anonymous

Thanks, I appreciate it. I haven’t read any books, though I have read many articles and had access to plenty of various resources. I’m well educated on the matter and my gender therapist will be able to tell me more, so I’ll be well prepared.

Has it always been clear that you were trans? What were you like when you were younger?
─ Anonymous

I had a pretty confusing early childhood, gender wise. Looking back there were some pretty clear signs; as a baby I would scream and cry if my mom tried to put me in dresses, I was big into trucks and cars and the like and hated “girly things”. I’d always get clothes from the boys section. However, I had a pretty distorted idea of what was acceptable in terms of gender presentation; when I was very young (about three) I got caught by one of the staff at my daycare trying to use the washroom like a boy, and when questioned I just said “I’m a boy but I have the wrong parts, can’t I stand?”. I was pretty severely reprimanded, and from then on I saw being like a boy as something that could get me in trouble. I did, however, cut my hair very short at age 6, hated female pronouns, refused to wear shirts whenever possible, etc. At age 8 I asked my mom, “Can I have my girl parts turned into boy parts so my body can match my brain?” which probably should have been a red flag for her, but she figured it was just a normal question for a tomboyish kid to ask. At about age 10 I started to experience some physical bullying and acted and dressed female to cover it up, but grew pretty depressed and never felt comfortable. I haven’t felt comfortable in my own skin, but now that I’m out of junior high I’m bloody done with that. When I first learned exactly what “transgender” meant about a year ago, I instantly knew that that was my situation. Having read up on it more, I know that it’s the case and it’s been the source of my discomfort. I’ve tried very hard to conform to my biological gender, but it’s just made me depressed and uncomfortable, so that’s why I decided to come out. Sorry this is a long answer to what is a pretty simple question. I guess it’s been clear but nobody in the family has been able to identify the real problem up until somewhat recently.

I feel bad for anyone who doesn’t live in Edmonton. The only two gender specialists who are able to start people on T or do anything else related to physical transitioning reside here, so people who live in other parts of Alberta literally have to drive down for their appointments with these people, and one of them only works one day a week.

So the better of the two gender specialists, of course, has an 8 month minimum waiting list. My therapist said “I’ll see what I can do” and I have an appointment with this guy in 3 weeks because of my way too excellent therapist. Basically, the waiting list applies mostly to adults, however it’s still pretty long; thankfully my therapist is very well-known in the medical community and yeah. I’m really stoked to get to go see this guy because we can figure out everything related to transitioning.

Where I live you can start on T at a very young age and you can get top surgery as early as sixteen. Because bottom surgery’s so experimental and has such a high complication rate, I don’t really want to get it anyway; most of my body dysphoria stems from my chest. I might be able to be completely happy with my body in a matter of a few years. I hope to be starting on T pretty soon, though it kind of sucks that you have to receive it via injection since I have a pretty serious needle phobia. My mom can inject it though, she’s completely capable of that, so that might help a little bit. I don’t really want to go to the doctors or do self injections.

So I completely lucked out in the transitioning department. At the very least I’ll be on estrogen blockers very soon, but I’ll probably start my legitimate transition soon enough as well. I’ll also blog about my social transition here in high school (I’m identifying as male right off the bat, I took summer school gym so there’s no change room dilemmas either) which I’m really excited about.

So fucking stoked.